in Religion
Signs of a
Troubled Relationship
Anyone who's been in a long term
relationship will tell you there are rough periods, and most people, when
they're honest, will admit to doubts along the way. But sometimes we don't know
how to assess, "Just how bad is it?" Here's a list of symptoms that
suggest a relationship is in trouble. The more symptoms you think are true for
you and/or your partner, the more likely your relationship is in need of some
help. If you have three to five checked off, you probably need a tune-up. More
than five, it's time to consider more serious therapy, either alone or with
your partner, or in some cases, both.
Below this list is another one, "Signs
of Severe Relationship Problems."
You feel worse around your partner than you
do when you're on your own.
Your self-esteem has plummeted since you've
been together.
Either you or your partner, or both of you,
are dishonest with each other.
You often feel hurt by how you are treated
by your partner, instead of feeling good while being together.
You complain frequently about your
relationship to others.
One or both of you have become frequently
critical of each other.
You are unable to approach your partner
with your concerns in a reasonable way, without exploding in anger or using
passive aggressive (sarcastic, outwardly compliant but inwardly defiant)
behavior. Or you expect that any confrontation will only result in an
unproductive fight with no change in the situation. You feel you must walk on
eggshells most of the time.
Most if not all of the issues that come up
between you remain unresolved, even when you do try to sort them out together.
Therefore, one or both of you often take a "why bother?" attitude
about dealing with issues. This is different from "choosing your
battles," because even important issues remain unresolved and "go
underground."
You lose your enthusiasm about life, and
have given up most of your hobbies, friends, or interests that were important
to you before getting into the relationship. Instead you are consumed about the
difficulties you are having in your relationship.
You no longer trust your mate. This one is
tricky, because some of us have trust issues, and find it hard to trust anyone.
You may need help in exploring this with people who know you (and possibly your
partner) well. Of course, sometimes the doubts turn out to be warranted.
Little things about your relationship
bother you and you can't let them go.
You find yourself more drawn to priorities
outside the relationship than spending time together.
Your sex life has dwindled down to very
infrequent or none at all, and at least one of you is unhappy about it.
One or both partners have become closer to
someone else than with each other. This can be an emotional affair, or it can
even be a friend, sibling, parent, or even one of the children. Obviously the
most destructive of these is if there is an actual affair. Online relationships
are just as destructive as if they were in person.
You find yourself reverting to behaviors
that take you away from your partner that are not likely to support a healthy
lifestyle: drinking too much, spending too much time zoning out with
electronics – computer, video games, TV; escaping into your work; finding more
satisfaction in singular sex (pornography, escapist fantasies, etc.) than with
your partner.
Did you answer
Yes to three or more symptoms?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Signs of Severe
Relationship Problems
If you are experiencing any of these
symptoms, it is time to address them as soon as possible. It is usually very
difficult to address these problems on your own, and getting help, or in
certain cases getting out, if anyone is being abused by the relationship,
including the children, is advisable.
You are afraid of your partner, because
you've learned to expect an angry response that comes with name-calling, crude
or abusive insults, or fits of rage.
You no longer speak to each other beyond
the very basic necessities of shared living space.
One or both of you use indirect,
passive-aggressive means to "get to" the other, and you often have
the feeling that you've been punched in the stomach but don't know why.
You or your partner spend nights away from
the home without calling to let the partner know where they are or when they'll
be home. A lesser version of this, but still damaging to the relationship,
occurs when one or both partners frequently stay out partying with others
without their partner until very late.
Any incidence of domestic violence,
including throwing objects, shoving, hitting, kicking, biting, or physical
aggression against the other person. "Lesser" versions of this, but
still very destructive, occur with violence against pets, or threats of
violence against any living being. Still of concern is when one or both
partners throw objects at walls, break things in the house, or otherwise
destroy property.
Any incidence of threatening the other
partner, suggesting they'll hurt you (or you'll hurt them) directly or by
hurting themselves. (Some threats of suicide are thinly veiled attempts to make
their partner feel so guilty that they become afraid of saying or doing
anything that might upset their partner, such as leave the
تعليقات
إرسال تعليق